When I was 19 and a newly wed, I can recall a time when I was talking to mother on the phone about someone I knew that was going through a very hard time and how I had been trying and trying to help this friend, but nothing I did had any kind of effect on him. I felt so powerless to do anything for him and it was killing me inside because I could FEEL his depression and hopelessness crushing him. My mother said to me, "Baby, you can't heal the world" to which I replied, in tears, "I'll be damned if I can't try!" And try I did... to no avail. Eventually, for the sake of my own sanity, I had to walk away from that friendship because it was toxic. Admitting that to myself felt like a personal failure to me. Over the years, as I've gotten older, I appreciate the wisdom of my mother's words and have begun to apply it to my life. More than anything, I realized I needed to take care of me and my family and help those I can when I can, but only if they sought my help. For this very reason, I keep a very small circle of close friends and family.
Last night while talking with my best friend, 'Freaky' (/wave) she was telling me about a guy that she'd recently met and how he seemed to be this black hole of hopelessness (my words, not hers), but that initially she felt compelled to try and cheer this guy up. She was telling me a bit about his situation, quite bleak in today's economy, and he was absolutely devastated by the fact that he simply couldn't find a job (which, I guarantee he's not trying very hard as he could pick up something like what I call a 'temporary' job, like at popular fast food restaurants or popular grocery/store outlets, some 'grunt' work that would help to tide him over until he can manage to find a decent job suited to his skills) and how he was going to have to default on his bills and he was going to lose so much of his freedom and independence because he simply could not find a job or pay his bills. Instead of trying to figure out a solution, he chose to sit and wallow in his depression, allowing himself to be beaten down by his demons and continuing to feed their ravenous appetites with his constant negativity. She had told me that she'd sent him a rather upbeat email in hopes that it would cheer him up and his reply was something to the effect of: "I'm simply going to wait for my eviction notice and let the world crash around me." My friend told me that at that moment, she chose to simply walk away from that train wreck.
And then, I said something rather profound... something that struck me as a 'wow' moment and I wrote it down so that I could share it here as today's lesson, by me.
So, what do I mean by this little bit of insight? Well, everyone is going to interpret things a little differently, but for me this is simply saying that we create our own reality. "As you think, so shall you become." That quote right there is becoming more and more relevant to me every single day, and I find myself repeating it to others at least once a day. (Please refer to blog entry: Lesson 1: Thinking...)
When we choose to wallow in depression and feed our demons with constant negativity and self-loathing, when we choose to do nothing about the shitty situation we're in then we deserve to be in that shitty situation until, finally, we've had enough of digging below the bottom of the well with bloody hands and we decide to look for a ladder or a rope, a tree branch, anything to help us find our way out of this darkness that has consumed us so completely. That is when we start searching in the darkness, looking for the glimmer from the light of hope. But until that happens, all anyone can do to help them is simply point in the direction of hope... it's up to them to actually look and walk in that direction and help themselves.
If, in trying to help someone find the light switch, we find ourselves feeling depressed, hopeless, frustrated, or even angry that this person absolutely refuses to do anything to help themselves, that is when it's time for you to stop. Take a breather and say, "Not my drama" and refuse to be sucked into their personal hell. When their negativity steals your joy, it's time to walk away and simply pray for them to find the light on their own. THAT is the absolute best that you can do for someone in a situation like this.
I hope you all have a blessed day. Please remember to be kind to others, most especially yourself. Namaste'.
Peace, Love, Light, and Blessings.
~Jenna
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